I hope mine doesn't look like that
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
