I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize