what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
