in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
