i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
