sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
