there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
