evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
