My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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