I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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