So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
