Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Your penis caused this!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
