She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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