You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
