then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Please, let me fuck your mom
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
