I don't usually arrange sex via text message
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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