It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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