I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize