I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
