I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
