Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
