the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
