babies were throwing up all over the place
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
