She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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