he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
