Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
