so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
