She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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