You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was confusing and full of hummus
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
