"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
