A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
