Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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