around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
