i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
wow bdsm is so cute
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
