but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
