is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
