I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He shit in the fireplace
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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