P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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