nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
