She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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