Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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