i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
