I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He did a backflip because drugs
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