Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize