broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
