..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
