i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I believe in your delicious
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
