the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
