saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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