You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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