I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
