so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
