I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
