if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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