I'm sorry my penis didn't work
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
kristin has been a bad kristin
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
COCAINE IS GR8
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
