i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
