the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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