**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
