Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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