Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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