Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
