If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
