I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
