wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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