I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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