let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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