why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
