I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
