if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
