every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
